It’s a quiet, exceptionally boring summer afternoon here in Raleigh. And here I am sitting in my apartment tired from all studying (what I really mean is facebooking and chatting), cleaning (yeah, you did read correctly) and cooking (I really needed to kill time). Little did I know that this mundane life is what awaited me, when I left home two years ago. Whoa! It’s been T-W-O full years. And I’m half an engineer now! But then, I also happen to be rather influenced by a strange condition. Just like many of my fellow desi students.
This condition is characterized by craziness, boredom, anxiety, insomnia, desire, nostalgia and random outbursts of “kuch karte hain yaar, kahin chalte hain”. The cause: a deep inner need of getting a job, paying off loans, eventually getting back home while trying to ensure that in the end, we’ve had all the fun under the sun. There really isn’t an official name for this condition, although it is often misconstrued for homesickness. Meanwhile, families back home worry about the common American influences (more particularly, living-ins and dating).
The desi F-1s - Indian born, extremely confused desis - a subculture expected to become the next batch of immigrant engineers (and a few other professions here and there) for which hard working Indian parents laid foundation. They’re expected to be settled with an extremely well paying job, married to someone from their own caste, possibly own a two garage home…blah blah blah. This is not a story about the exceptions or the ones from conservative families. This is a story about my friends, their families, my family. This is story about the struggle of trying to feel at home, away from home; the struggle to straddle the two countries and still remain faithful to their true identity.
It all starts with the idea of conquering fresh worlds or it could be result of fulfilling your parents dream of seeing you fare well abroad (no, we didn’t come here because it’s “cool” to study in the USA). Like a swarm of bees, hundreds of dreamers crowd outside the U.S consulates in India every year to get that F-1 visa stamp on their passport. That done and goodbyes said, it’s Hello USA!
And here it is. USA – big houses, less people. Too much work, too little time. Some friendly faces, many crazy people. From grocery shopping to cooking to cleaning to driving to being driven nuts – you’re on your own. Soon you start to inform your folks about your milestones (at least that’s what they are to your family) – your on-campus job, your trip to the Niagara Falls, your first winter (yay, snow!), your first car (10 years old), and your first trip back home after having arrived in the US. Time flies by quickly, very quickly.
And we fail to realize how much we have changed. Changed from being used to the freedom, those night-outs, late night movies with friends, agonizing course load, and the bachelor life. Not surprisingly, we’re simultaneously battling the cultural difference crisis. Knowing that most of us will stay back in this country for more than just the duration of our course, we are obliged to live by the American standards and yet, our stove tops will be covered in aluminum foil, our houses will smell of masala, we will continue to hate the ABCDs, we will attend parties where there is free food, and we will most certainly buy a Toyota or a Honda because they have the best resale values.
Weird, don’t you think? Because we’re used to this lifestyle. Sure, we hate living this way and we complain about it at every chance we get, but we find it almost impossible to get back to the “life-before-USA” life. Think about it: we are unable to truly melt in the 'Great Melting Pot', because we are chained to our cultural restrains and also vexed by the idea of giving up an accustomed standard of living. We oscillate between two worlds, caught in an ugly mid position. Strangely, this appears to affect only the Indians – somehow, the rest of our immigrant friends seem more immune to it than we are.
