It took me over twenty years and a journey 8,700 miles away from my hometown to realize that Indians have mangled with English far beyond recognition. Strange as it may seem, when it comes to doing things differently, we correctly do it wrongly. For instance, Indians like to use a word twice to put emphasis on it. Why because, morning morning when you’re full busy busy, who will think of nice nice grammar? You might even be tempted to ask us, “You guys are mad, or what?” But hey, Indian English is considered one of the official and recognized dialects of the English language. Above all, most terms that Indians do actually use, are finding their way into prominent dictionaries like Oxford.
It’s all a part of our growing up and we don’t regret it. Because only in India will you see nearly every sentence end in “only." This is something we say without realizing only! And only in India you will see that bathroom, yawn, sleep, laugh - all come to us upon being summoned! Mind you, if you don’t treat this seriously enough, you will get a ‘firing’ at work, forcing you to waste a lot of time in 'making out' what to do for an income. While we Indians use a 'rubber' to “undo” our mistakes, our friends from other countries use a rubber to umm, “do” stuff (shy is coming now). In India, it’s also perfectly harmless to step outside to a “booth” for an “STD.” But we never stick around for too long anyways, those STDs are expensive!
And have you ever wondered why Indian students score so well in their tests? It’s because they’re good students who are busy ‘mugging’ day and night! After all the eventful mugging, they give their tests (when they should actually be taking them) and successfully end up ‘passing out.’ Even if you are a bad student and haven’t mugged hard enough, you are still very likely to pass out after you’ve successfully learned the twenty two letters of the alphabet (A B C D E F G H I J K ELLOMENOPEE Q R S T U V W X Y Zed). Anyways, in the end, all that matters is that you have ‘freaked out’ enough by ‘blasting’ during all those fun times with your friends, cousin-brothers, cousin-sisters, co-brothers and co-sisters. Surely, a lot of fun would have come to you!
We will readily do friendship with you by asking you your ‘goodname’ and introduce ourselves by saying “Myself, goodname.” We will insist our guests to “come no, come” to our house and “have no, have” some tea and delicious snakes. Our vegetarianism isn’t just limited to ‘snakes’ or ‘Lady fingers’, but it extends to even our jokes and stories! You will pretend to be a ‘pure vegetarian’ in front little kids even with those nasty thoughts running in your mind. But on a more serious note, we Indians are so amicable that we will travel ‘out of station’, take ‘long cuts’, and even pack you a ‘dabba’ just so we invite you to our marriage. (Yes, an entire marriage. Not just a wedding). If we can’t wait to see you, we might even ‘prepone’ the marriage. Correct only no?
Above all, there is yet another unique characteristic to the Indian English – the use of the phrase “Do one thing.” This one thing can be many things, but it’s still one thing: it’s clarity. It’s a way to move forward. In a confused situation, when one utters these powerful words, mouths snap shut, eyes light up with hope, and every mind thinks: “Finally, someone has an answer!” A “Do one thing” solution is one that is presented for execution. So now, do one thing. Next time when you see a bunch of Indians working, observe how no one thinks that the task is possibly difficult. Because, to solve it, all you have to do is one thing.
Having said that, let me do one thing and give you one last interesting fact because 'time is getting over for me.' By 2015, India will have the largest number of English speakers (approx. 300 million). So whether the native English speakers like it or not, Indian English is here to stay and creep its way into everything else. And if you’re from Bangalore, then “don’t worry maadkobeda.” Because this is our English - we’ll also talk, they’ll also talk. Then everything will be 'same to same.'
Next time I will tell you more about what is happening ‘down my end.’
Hump Ahead
Keep Safe distance
Horn OK Please
Tata Bye Bye.
P.S : If you are reminded of more such characteristics of the Indian English, then i suggest you write it 'off" as a comment.
Your's sincerely,
Myself, Goodname.
